English Made Easy
This is an article I had read long ago in the newspaper and was highly amused. Haven't got over it yet. Enjoy.
The European Commision has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of The Europe rather than German which was the other possibility. As a part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and had accepted a five year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace with a soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplicated changes are possible. Government will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be respectiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz year, ze unnesesary "o" kan be dropd out from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer.
Ze drem vil finali kum tru!
The European Commision has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of The Europe rather than German which was the other possibility. As a part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and had accepted a five year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace with a soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplicated changes are possible. Government will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be respectiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz year, ze unnesesary "o" kan be dropd out from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer.
Ze drem vil finali kum tru!
posted by eh, what's up doc? at 10:55 AM
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